Battle of the Sexes or the Battle Against Myself

Zack sent this to me a few weeks ago and as always- I adore any sort of research/commentary on relationships/gender/birth order. Psychology was my second choice of professions after the arts. I just copied the intro down...

http://denisdutton.com/baumeister.htm

Is There Anything Good About Men?
Roy F. Baumeister
http://www.denisdutton.com/
This invited address was given at a meeting the American Psychological Association in San Francisco on August 24, 2007. The thinking it represents is part of a long-range project to understand human action and the relation of culture to behavior. Further information about Prof. Baumeister and his research can be found at the foot of this page. — D.D.


"You’re probably thinking that a talk called “Is there anything good about men” will be a short talk! Recent writings have not had much good to say about men. Titles like Men Are Not Cost Effective speak for themselves. Maureen Dowd’s book was called Are Men Necessary? and although she never gave an explicit answer, anyone reading the book knows her answer was no. Louann Brizendine’s book, The Female Brain, introduces itself by saying, “Men, get ready to experience brain envy.” Imagine a book advertising itself by saying that women will soon be envying the superior male brain!
Nor are these isolated examples. Alice Eagly’s research has compiled mountains of data on the stereotypes people have about men and women, which the researchers summarized as “The WAW effect.” WAW stands for “Women Are Wonderful.” Both men and women hold much more favorable views of women than of men. Almost everybody likes women better than men. I certainly do.
My purpose in this talk is not to try to balance this out by praising men, though along the way I will have various positive things to say about both genders. The question of whether there’s anything good about men is only my point of departure. The tentative title of the book I’m writing is “How culture exploits men,” but even that for me is the lead-in to grand questions about how culture shapes action. In that context, what’s good about men means what men are good for, from the perspective of the system.
Hence this is not about the “battle of the sexes,” and in fact I think one unfortunate legacy of feminism has been the idea that men and women are basically enemies. I shall suggest, instead, that most often men and women have been partners, supporting each other rather than exploiting or manipulating each other.
Nor is this about trying to argue that men should be regarded as victims. I detest the whole idea of competing to be victims. And I’m certainly not denying that culture has exploited women. But rather than seeing culture as patriarchy, which is to say a conspiracy by men to exploit women, I think it’s more accurate to understand culture (e.g., a country, a religion) as an abstract system that competes against rival systems — and that uses both men and women, often in different ways, to advance its cause.
Also I think it’s best to avoid value judgments as much as possible. They have made discussion of gender politics very difficult and sensitive, thereby warping the play of ideas. I have no conclusions to present about what’s good or bad or how the world should change. In fact my own theory is built around tradeoffs, so that whenever there is something good it is tied to something else that is bad, and they balance out.
I don’t want to be on anybody’s side. Gender warriors please go home."

I think this article entertains me because I have been told on more than one occasion that some of my comments could set women's rights back about a century. To be honest, when girls go all feminist- I get rather annoyed. You can do anything you want to in life as long as you actually go for it and try rather than sit around and bitch about how unfair things are. I definitely don't think that women should be made to stay at home and take care of the kids if you don't want to, but there is something to be said for a traditional family setup. If you want a career and a full social calendar, maybe you don't have time for kids. If you aren't going to actually take the time to raise them, then honestly, why are you bothering?
I'm from a traditional setup which I suppose makes many argue with me over points like these. Maybe I would have come out just fine from daycare. All I do know is that my parents have Never missed a single concert, sporting event, ceremony for myself of any of my siblings. (except for one tournament in Florida- they would have gone but my sister insisted they not take off to drive down there.) As a result, I've always known my parents had my back no matter what. Were there consquences for this type of upbringing? Of course there were- I grew up poor. Even that isn't such a terrible thing though. I think my siblings and I have really great work ethic and actually know the value of a lot of things in life.

Hm, I actually just got myself way off topic because what I was actually going to write about what male/female social structures. This article talks a bit about women having fewer close friendships while males have a wider yet shallower social circle. That's probably pretty true for most guys that I've ever met. I guess what I was sort of pondering is how much my comfort level impacts my ability to be social and outgoing. As long as I have a few good friends around, or if I go to an event with someone with whom I feel secure with, than I have no problems introducing myself to whoever happens to be in a room. I usually only start to falter when I feel like I have no backup support.
I think this is probably partly why Michael and I socialized really badly together. I knew that when we went places together, I would be almost entirely on my own. Knowing that ahead of time made me nervous and edgy and probably not my most adorable, typically friendly self.

The adjustment to NYC hasn't been bad for me because I have two really close friends here that I know are always there to talk to. My social survival is not based off of my ability to perform, make new friends, or charm the world. Although- I do try to do that as much as possible;)

*note to self. do not blog at work because i get really disjointed and rambly.